So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
