Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize