Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
