And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
pray to the hookup gods
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
