he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
