did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
