I wish i was in the wii world.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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