just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
