i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
