Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
