there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize