If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
