I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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