Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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