i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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