look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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