Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
