im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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