The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
