he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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