Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
