I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
