I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
