it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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