your parents love me but you hate me
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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