There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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