kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
