Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
