Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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