I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i wish my penis had a tongue
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
whose parrot is this?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
