I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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