you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's shark week go big or go home
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
