the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
this just has baby written all over it
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
