I cockslap morals
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
