I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize