um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
