i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
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