On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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