I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
