oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize