I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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