you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I should be sponsored by Trojan
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
