PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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