i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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