So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
