your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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