Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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