Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i wish my penis had a tongue
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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