my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
