totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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