i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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