I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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