I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
If that was your dad, he is hot
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
