she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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