I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
