i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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