they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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