But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
They have beer where we have blood.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
