We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
