he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
