I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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