Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
