the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
