I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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