Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
