I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
nutella sex= disaster
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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